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Gay Husbands Say the Darndest Things is a compilation of writings by Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed., the international counseling specialist for straight/gay marriages and 50 women from her support network in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom and Australia. The biggest problem facing women who unknowingly marry gay/bisexual men is the lack of a confession by their husbands. To keep their homosexuality a secret, gay men who marry straight women will blame the problems of the marriage on their wives even though it is caused by their own frustration of being stuck in a marriage to a woman. They would rather point the finger of blame at their wives instead of telling the truth about their homosexuality. Kaye's goal for this book is to alert women who are at the beginning of their discovery or recovery journey to read what others were told by their husbands before the truth was learned. The women who contributed the material went through the same doubts when they were "gay lighted" by their husbands for years with stories that were genuinely convincing. Kaye also explains why gay men who are hiding in straight-gay marriages remain there and sometimes even remarry another woman after the divorce. Kaye tells women to get their pens ready so they can make checkmarks next to the statements shared by the other women in the book revealing the comments their husbands have said to them. After counting how many similar statements they check off in the book, they will know the truth.

When presumably heterosexual spouses turn out to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, the unexpected revelation overshadows its devastating impact on their straight wives and husbands. Unseen-Unheard opens the window on their remarkable journeys from trauma to transformation. What would you do if your husband said he'd fallen in love with a man or thinks he might be gay or bisexual, or you discovered your wife's texts, photos, or emails indicating she has a female lover and wonders if she might be lesbian or bisexual? Well, this happens, a shattering reality that at least two million men and women have faced and tried to understand and accept, even as we were unseen and our voices unheard. Who are we? We are husbands and wives left behind when our spouses came out or after we discovered they were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. Shocked and paralyzed, swirling in the devastating wake of our beloveds' revelation, we had to pick up unrecognizable pieces of our former lives and try to reconfigure them without much outside support, recognition, or understanding of the depth of the crisis. Yes, straight spouses typically cope alone with unique issues of sexuality, betrayal, and broken belief systems. Slowly, we redefine ourselves, create new lives, affirm the joy of living, and reap life's infinite possibilities. We invite you to walk with us and experience our journey from the first desperate cries of discovery or disclosure to insights and wisdom gained as we resolve our issues and transform our lives. As you observe and listen, we hope you will embrace the courage, creativity, and resilience of our strength, which we didn't know we had, yet was so powerful that lifelong habits were broken and we uniquely and marvelously became who we were meant to be.

Although heteronormativity remains firmly in place in many contexts, challenges to a construction of heterosexuality as natural and superior increasingly emerge. However, despite increasing visibility of such challenges, bisexuality remains largely absent from such debates. Bisexual women occupy a potentially interesting position in discourses around heteronormativity and this paper explores how heteronormativity functions in the accounts of 13 South African bisexual women. Through a discourse analysis of interview data, a discourse of heterosexual marriage as normative and socially valued is identified as exerting a powerful influence on participants' constructions of relationships and families. The findings further explore ways in which bisexuality is complicated by such a heteronormative marriage discourse and indicate a lack of integration of a bisexual identity in participants' accounts. We suggest that drawing bisexuality into debates around heteronormativity can contribute to increased positions from which to challenge the coercive effects of heteronormativity.

Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? addresses a topic that many people may have experience with, but don't know where to go to find the answers. At a time when the definition of marriage is changing, and relationships in general may be fraught with uncertainty about a variety of basic issues, a book that addresses the concerns of women who suspect their men are gay or have gay tendencies can help make sense of a confusing situation and reveal ways in which couples can understand a man's interest in gay sex and remain married, even happily

Three straight spouse stories -- Coming out three ways -- Steps toward resolution : a typical example -- Underlying psychological forces -- Overcoming immediate personal challenges -- Lingering risks, anger, and grief -- Family and social challenges -- Long-term personal obstacles -- Secrets of transformation -- Appendix A: Activities for self healing -- Appendix B: Related resources